How to Go Through Four Turkey Dogs in 15 Minutes

I used to love the hotdog sandwiches my mother would make for me and my sister growing up. She would boil the hotdog, slice it lengthwise (being sure not to slice entirely through the hotdog so it would open like a book), lay it on toasted bread and then dress it with ketchup and mustard. It really was a delight, and I thought an ingenious way to marry the desire for a hotdog with the lack of a bun.

Hey. The title of this post is "How to Go Through Four Turkey Dogs in 15 Minutes", not "How to Wax Nostalgic About Some Crummy Hotdog Sandwiches my Mom Used to Make". Sheesh, I'm getting there, will you give me a break?

Anyway, I suddenly remebered these sandwiches right when I needed one. The toddler had been clamoring for a sandwich (with mustard!) - but while there was bread, there were no other sandwich fixings. Hm, except maybe, let me see . . . oh yes, turkey dogs! Memory is tricky like that. I don't even remember the last time I had a hotdog sandwich.

But Mr. Italics is right - this post is about how to go through four turkey dogs in 15 minutes. So let's get it on.

Step 1: Own a dog.

Excuse me. There is not even the suggestion of a dog in your profile. A reef tank, yes. Dog, no. OMG, must I divulge everything all at once? Some things need to be exposed slowly, like a flower opening in the spring.

That's right, own a dog. The first turkey dog I cooked was much, much too hot to give to the toddler straightaway. It needed to cool. So I sliced it lengthwise as described above, and placed it on a plate to rest. My mistake was in exiting the kitchen, for when I returned the dog was there but the turkey dog was not.

Step 2: Overcook the turkey dog.

It may seem difficult to overcook a turkey dog, but it can be done. Especially if you decide to be lazy and nuke the second dog because you don't want to wait for the water to boil. But you are so lazy, you just hit "Add Minute" on the microwave and then get distracted so that the turkey dog cooks for the entire minute and winds up turning itself inside out. There is no way the toddler is going to eat that.

Step 3: Have a toddler.

I could easily make Step 3 the same as Step 1, "Own a dog" but that would be a cop-out. The dog didn't drop the turkey dog and then immediately gobble it up. The toddler dropped the turkey dog, and the dog, being an opportunistic sort of animal, immediately gobbled it up. Dog 2, Toddler 0.

Step 4: Monitor closely all steps in this process to the point where you nearly hold the sandwich for the toddler to eat.

Believe it or not, the toddler did in fact successfully eat his first turkey dog sandwich. He loved it, and nodded his head vigorously in affirmation.

Thanks, Mom.